


I only wanted to kiss you goodnight

by nyssaki



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bad English, Camille Belcourt Being An Asshole, Hurt Alec, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Jealous Alec Lightwood, Kissing, M/M, Magnus Bane in Love, Magnus Bane's Cat Eyes, Making Out, Manipulative Camille Belcourt, Passive-aggressive Alec Lightwood, Past Magnus Bane/Camille Belcourt, Self-Harming Alec Lightwood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 21:05:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13667265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyssaki/pseuds/nyssaki
Summary: The one where Alec almost gave up Magnus because of Camille(to be fair, Magnus and Alec weren't officially a exclusive couple yet when the story starts)





	I only wanted to kiss you goodnight

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so I literally cannot write fluff and I can't really write angst either! (Maybe I just can't write haha)  
> This was originally intended as a small 3-part ficlet. 2 weeks and 5 edits later I no longer have a idea what this is anymore, lol
> 
> This is based on show!verse Alec, so expect hazel eyes.  
> Contains spoilers for tv-show and also some book quotes!  
> Based on events from S01E13, S02E06 and S02E13
> 
> Read the tags!  
> Not betaed

-1-

"Magnus, I'm just asking for a strand of hair, let's not be over dramatic!" Alec’s voice was harsh. And even though his eyes were focused on Magnus, Magnus couldn’t see anything behind that hazel. He wasn’t here to discuss or talk, he wasn’t here to listen. Alec had a mission and he was here to carry it out.

Magnus knew Alec enough by know, so he didn’t argue, but his movements were deliberate and calculated. Blue sparkles ran through his fingers as the door opened behind him.

"Get out."

Alec was surprised for a second, but he had not argued it.

Magnus sighed as he poured himself a drink. It was quite unexpected when Alec had called early in the evening and he was so glad that he nearly tripped over the Shadowhunter as soon as he closed the door. But the mood changed quickly when Alec made his reasons for the visit known. Shadowhunters were turning up dead, with runes removed and they were desperate for leads. Clave orders, Alec excused. Shadowhunters were being killed Alec argued.

Walking toward his balcony, he thought of how he tried to explain. Alec wasn’t there when Clave threw away the plates he ate from after having a diplomatic relations meeting, Alec couldn’t possibly understand. Yet, Magnus desperately wanted him to understand, needed him to understand. The mistrust Clave have shown them through the years, how unfairly they have been treated. He is tired of proving himself to the Clave, to be the first suspect whenever whatever it is. And now he had to prove himself to Alec too, the one person he’s trusted more than anyone else.

-2-

Camille had showed up, out from nowhere and seemingly for no reasons at all. He should've been more suspicious. She had lied to him so many times before and he should've been immune to her charms, but he wasn't. He found that his heart still had a soft spot for her. When they were talking about past misdeeds and complained about the Clave together like now, he felt himself weaken at the memories and the alluring sound of her promises.

Camille never believed in love and she always belittled him for believing in it. Said he was childish, a dreamer. She said Downwolders’ couldn't feel real love. Logically, Magnus knew it wasn't true, her words. Logically, Magnus knew he should have made her leave the minute she showed up. But emotions were never logical, and he had waited so long for Camille to say these words to him. And suddenly, now she did, she said the words he had always wanted to hear from her. All though, he found himself unable to respond to her words. I love you too, should’ve been easy. I-love-you-s used to be so easy. Magnus did not understand. He had waited over a century for this, he waited nearly every day for this when they were dating, but it never happened then.

Suddenly there was kissing going on. It happened so fast Magnus’s brain couldn't even register, but he’s hands were on her waist and her tongue was down his throat. He felt Camille’s familiar hands slip underneath his shirt, caressing his skin. He felt himself shudder from the touches he had yearned for so long. He heard the small voice behind his mind asking, “why Magnus, why, why is she here now? Magnus think!” but it all drowned in her lips, her demanding lips that never left his. He felt his own body answering to her touches, he felt himself being pushed down on his desk, her skilled fingers were just about to unbutton his shirt… This didn’t make any sense, Magnus thought.

“Magnus! Are you here, I tried to call you but your phone…”

Alec!

In a second Magnus was back on his feet and a sudden realization hit him. It makes perfect sense!

Of course, Alec is the reason Camille was here now. There was no way she hadn’t heard the news.

He shoved Camille backwards and saw nothing but Alec's electrifying hazel eyes while Camille spoke, "you certainly have a type, Magnus.Too bad it won't last. I give him what, a week or two?"

Magnus turned to look at her, stricken, eyes wide: “You did this on purpose!”

“Oh, come on Magnus, do you really think I have so much free time on my hands to play these games?” she licked her lips as the words rolled off her tongue and Magnus felt sick. _He’s so weak_.

Then Alec was on his way out the door and Magnus’s words were caught in his throat.

Camille's laughter filled his loft as she left.

-3-

Magnus let out a small sigh when he was finally able to let the last costumer of the day out the door. Having customers was a necessity in his life, to support the lifestyle he lived, but it was also draining. With the times changing the customers have also become more demanding, some of them outright ridiculous. He tried to be accommodating, but sometimes even he has his limits.

He was on his way to grab himself a drink when he noticed a shadow on the balcony.

Stepping out he realizes it was Alec, leaned back against the wall. Magnus was instantly thrown back to their last encounter. Silently he approached Alec, noticing his bleeding hands. It was not the first time it had happened, shooting arrows till he was bleeding has always been Alec’s way of outlet. Magnus knew Alec didn’t do it on purpose, but he still wishes that Alec would stop. There was nothing more he wanted but to hold the Shadowhunter close to him and apologize again and again, but he knew Alec by now, so he kept a careful distance.

Alec was hurting because of Camille and it was _his_ fault. He had no right to touch the Shadowhunter, maybe he never had. He was, as usual, foolish for thinking such.

Alec had not noticed his presence yet, so Magnus chose to reveal himself, hoping not to scare off the younger man.

"Too busy to use the healing rune?" He regretted the words the moment they left his lips, it was not the most eloquent thing he had said through his life.

Alec looked at him, "I'm fine." Yet, his eyes told a different story. He crossed his arms around his chest, cuddling himself. As if to protect himself from the world, protect himself from Magnus. Magnus didn’t blame him.

"Where's Camille? I thought you’d be away with her doing God knows what." He looked away.

Okay he deserved that. Alec had meant to cut him, and it did. Magnus inhaled. Whatever Alec was going to throw his way, he’d accept. It was only fair after what he had done, he was the reason Alec was hurting anyway.

"Not here," he simply said. Alec spared him a glance, a quick once-over and then he decided to look straight at Magnus. "So, you finally got her back, are you happy?"

Another stab. Okay, so Magnus deserved that one too. But there was something else in that glance Alec had thrown him, that he felt tugging at him. The movement was so fast he’d have missed it if Alec wasn’t looking directly at him when it passed through.

"Alexander, this might be hard for you to believe right now, but I never wanted her back.” Magnus paused, searching Alec’s eyes for signs. There were none and he thought he misinterpreted the glance. Maybe he made it up because he so badly wanted it to happen. That wouldn’t be the first time, but Alec was always an open book, Magnus reminded himself.

"Alec. Alexander. Remember what I said on our first date?" Alec raised an eyebrow in question.

"That all that is in the past. Right now, I'm here, with you.”

Alec finally cracked a little smile, but just as soon it vanished.

"You know she's right. You're immortal, you're the high warlock of Brooklyn, the most powerful warlock for the past 400 years. You've lived through centuries of war. I might not be a mundane, but I am still nothing more than a mere mortal Shadowhunter. Death is inevitable for me." Alec's voice lowered, and despite saying all that he still didn't say the most important words, those who still choked in him; _and then you'll forget about me, too._

"Alexander," Magnus says, this time daring to walk a bit closer, but still in a slow motion with careful steps; as if Alec’d run away any minute. "I may be high warlock of Brooklyn but even I can't see the future.” _But you Alexander, you are everything,_ Magnus thought.

The words were nearly a whisper: "you've loved so many.”

"And yet, I still haven’t found one who’d stay with me through their life, immortal or not. I was hoping when I met you that you’d be the one. I loved you from the start.” Magnus surprised himself. He thought he wasn’t ready to say these words, to let Alec know exactly how he felt about him. Sure, they had been on a couple of dates, but they weren’t there yet. He wasn’t there yet he thought. And still, he had said the words. So maybe he was ready after all. Now he wished he could take them back. Or maybe he didn’t wish that. If Ragnor had read his mind now, he’d be relentless in the teasing. Ragnor would never let him survive this.

And Magnus, Magnus had thought he would never be ready again, never stand at a crossroad like this again, baring his heart for someone, exposing his most true and vulnerable feelings.

He might have had countless lovers, but every time Magnus gave himself up he was broken. They all took something of him, until eventually Camille had shattered him completely. Then there was Etta who became his anchor for a while. Though she’d left him too, to start a family; a family he desperately wanted to have but couldn’t. So, for a short while, Magnus had a kind of a home, but she wanted someone to grow old with. Magnus couldn’t give her that, and she couldn’t stay with him. Without Etta he no longer had a place he could call home.

After that, Magnus lived on as before he met Etta. Traveling, partying to his heart’s content. But he hadn't stopped wanting for love. He had simply just stopped looking. And now, here he was, standing in front of a Shadowhunter. Shadowhunters who he had never dared to love, much less dared to hope to have his love returned.

In this moment he could hear nothing but his heart pumping in his ears. He has dreaded this moment, waiting for Alec’s answer after offering his heart, dreading the moment for Alec to reject him; because that was inevitable, right? Someone as pure as Alec could never love someone as him, with his demon blood and all…

Alec still feeling a little bit resentful, asked “Why did you give into her then?”

Magnus inhaled silently, shaking. He knew he couldn’t avoid that question. “We have a lot of history, she and I. And I had prayed that she loved me the same way, but she was always so cynical. I waited so long for her to say those words, I didn’t stop to think, I didn’t realize it was just one of her games.” Magnus paused. “When I met you and I really thought… I hoped I had found the one who’d stay with me forever. But with everything that happened with the Clave, Seelie Queen, between you and Jace; watching you love Jace and be heartbroken all the time and my own mistake with Camille,” Magnus paused. “I,” he continued. “I guess I screwed up.”

Alec tried to think, but all he could think of is Magnus. He tried to imagine Jace in front of him, because Jace was the only other love he knew; but all he could see, was Magnus. He tried to breathe, but he found he couldn’t. It took a few minutes, but finally the words registered. Magnus might have had countless lovers, but none loved him. Not in the way Magnus loved them.

To Camille, Magnus was just a toy; someone she could play with whenever she pleased or whenever she was bored. To others, he was just a warm body for a few minutes until they moved on. For most of the time, Magnus had been used and then just been tossed aside; to pick up the pieces of his heart by himself. Alec’s heart clenched.

His brain was still trying to catch up on Magnus’s words, to make sense of what he’d said. “I hoped I had found the one who’d stay with me forever” ringed in his ears. He tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t leave him. His limbs though, were moving on their own. He took out his stele, activated his healing rune.

As the wounds on Alec’s hands healed,he stepped into Magnus’s space and placed a finger under his chin.

Alec looked right into Magnus’s eyes, eyes that were filled with questions, hope, fear, guilt, confusion, all at once. The most powerful warlock of the past centuries was terrified and coming undone right in front of him and Alec felt himself melt. His anger dissolved, his legs weakened as he felt Magnus’s heat toward his own body.

“Show me your real eyes, Magnus,” his breathing low and hoarse as he pleaded.

Alec had seen them once, when Magnus lost control that time he kissed Alec; but he still didn’t understand why Alec wanted him to show them now. He hesitated, and Alec understood. Alec whispered, "I want you to be yourself when you hear this, when I tell you this.”

A flicker and then Magnus cat’s eyes were in front of him. Shining, filled with eager anticipation, nervousness, fear, questions. It all ran through him as a tornado.

Alec’s breath hitched: “I believe you about Camille. And you were right, you should never have to prove yourself to me. I love you," and then he kissed him. Granted he had only had that one kiss with Magnus before, but he gave in with everything he had, he poured all the earnest feelings he had bottled up inside him, pushed it through the kiss and he hoped Magnus felt it.

Initially taken aback by the sheer force, Magnus panicked a little; but then he relaxed into the kiss. Maybe he didn’t screw things up after all? Maybe, just maybe he wasn’t wrong about Alec. His Alec, his Alexander. Magnus willed his mind to go blank and just feel Alec’s lips on his.

_Maybe this love is different, maybe Alec Lightwood wouldn’t break his heart._


End file.
